


The Need to Last Forever

by smaragdbird



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Grief/Mourning, M/M, acceptance of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 23:25:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9095296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smaragdbird/pseuds/smaragdbird
Summary: Each transformation into the Hulk shortens Bruce's lifespan because of the strain on his system but they don't find out until it's almost too late.Tony doesn't deal well with that fact.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this ](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/9218.html?thread=19475714) prompt

“You’re going grey”, Tony teased Bruce when he woke up as Tony was carding his hand through Bruce’s curls. The morning light made the silver strands stand out even more. “Old man.” He snickered. “Hey, where are you going?”

“This old man has work to do”, Bruce said, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.

“Come on, Bruce, I didn’t mean it like that”, Tony pouted, trying to pull him back into the sheets.

“Maybe I should find someone my own age. Someone like Steve maybe.”

“Don’t you dare”, Tony said and wrapped his arms around Bruce’s shoulders to pull him back.

Bruce laughed and kissed Tony’s cheek. “I have to get up regardless. I have a time-sensitive experiment in the heat chamber.”

“I love it when you talk dirty to me”, Tony said and made no move to let go of Bruce. Instead he slid lower so that he could nip at Bruce’s throat. “Tell me more, Dr. Banner.”

“Tony, I mean it, I...”

Tony sighed and unwound his arms from around Bruce’s body. “Leave me then.” He fell dramatically onto his back, stretching out over the bed. “You’re a cold-hearted man, Dr. Banner.”

For the rest of his life Tony would remember the indulgent smile that had played around Bruce’s lips as he had leaned down and kissed Tony. “I’ll make it up to you.”

Bruce took no more than three steps before he collapsed.

/

“Tony, stop pacing”, Bruce said. He looked incredibly pale in the hospital gown. But at least he was awake and talking. “Why is this taking so long?”

“You know you can’t rush science. These tests take time.” He caught Tony’s hand. “I’ll be fine.”

“You don’t know that”, Tony said quietly, caressing Bruce’s hand with his fingers.

“I’m optimistic.” He looked into Tony’s eyes and smiled.

“Dr. Banner?” Helen Cho came into the room. “How are you feeling?”

“Better”, Bruce replied.

“I’ve looked at the results from our tests and the ones that were performed concerning your condition as well.” She cast a glance at Tony before looking back to Bruce, who nodded to show her that she could continue. “I’m sorry but we’re looking at a complete physical breakdown. It’s not just your heart although that’s the most pressing matter at the moment. If I have to go by what I know I’d say that the strain of the transformations is taking its toll on you and is literally shaving off years of your life.”

“What are you going to do?” Tony demanded immediately.

“Nothing”, Bruce answered for Dr. Cho. “Age can’t be treated Tony.”

“There are some things we can do, medication, reducing stress – “

“How long?” Tony interrupted her. 

“I cannot possibly make an estimate. It depends on a lot of factors.”

“I’m sorry, but could you give us a moment?” Bruce asked her.

“Of course. I’ll come back later, Dr. Banner.”

“Tony”, Bruce squeezed his hand but Tony had turned his back on him, staring out of the window. “Tony.” Only when Bruce tried to get out of bed Tony reacted.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He yelled, forcing Bruce to lie back.

“Tony”, Bruce said again, holding onto his arm. “It’s not that bad, Tony.”

“Not that bad?” Tony looked at him as if he had lost his mind. “You’re going to die. You’re going to die soon.”

“You don’t know that. I could have years.”

“Years? You should have decades!”

“I’ve got sixteen years. I should have died in that accident. Even if I die today those 16 years will have been enough.”

“No, it’s not.” He fought with his tears. Tony couldn’t understand why Bruce took the news of his impending death so calmly. Didn’t he want to live? Didn’t he want to be with Tony anymore? “Don’t transform anymore. Not once. Not if it would save the fucking world.”

“That’s my decision to make.”

“I won’t let you die.”

Bruce said nothing, simply gave him a smile and rested his hand against Tony’s cheek.

/

The next few weeks were trying to say the least. Bruce told the rest of the team about the changed situation regarding the Hulk although he took Steve aside to discuss exceptions. Steve didn’t look happy about it but he accepted that in the end the call was Bruce’s to make. After that was done Bruce would’ve loved to go back to how things had been. In some ways he was happy that he could, even would die. He hadn’t been lying to Tony when he had told him that he didn’t want to die but Bruce also remembered a time when he had wanted to and couldn’t. Knowing that he wouldn’t outlive all the people that had made surviving his suicide attempt worthwhile was a relief.

Tony on the other hand swung between hovering protectively at Bruce’s side and locking himself in his lab for days on end. Rhodey noticed that Bruce didn’t say anything about it though. He didn’t seem happy but he never tried to stop Tony. He probably thought that Tony would get over it eventually. But then Bruce didn’t know Tony as well as Rhodey did. He had never seen Tony being his most self-destructive. Rhodey had and he knew that this was where Tony was heading.

“Tony. Tony, stop!” Rhodey said when he walked into Tony’s workshop that Tony hadn’t left in three days. Enough was enough.

“I’m a genius! Why doesn’t this make any sense? I should understand this. I should manipulate it. The body is just a machine like everything else.”

“Even a machine can be beyond repair. And this”, Rhodey took the whiskey tumbler from Tony’s hand, “isn’t helping you.” He poured the drink into the sink.

“I made Bruce join the team”, Tony said suddenly, his head rolling against the back of his chair. “And I made him transform hundreds of times for some test or because I thought it would be cool.”

“You didn’t know what the transformations did to him. No one knew.”

“I should have known. I should have looked into the fucking consequences before I asked him to let loose. And now I can’t even fix him.”

“It’s not your fault”, Rhodey repeated. “Bruce will tell you same thing.”

“He did”, Tony scoffed. 

“Maybe you should listen to him.”

“Bruce is…Bruce. If Ross came through the door and apologised for what he has done to him Bruce would forgive him because that’s the kind of man he is.”

“Look, Tony. You love him and that’s exactly why you shouldn’t be here. You should be with him.”

/

Tony felt like a robot going through the motions as he made his way to the room where Jarvis had told him Bruce was at the moment. Rhodey was right. Of course he was right but knowing it and accepting it were two different things.

The room was nearly dark and Bruce was sitting on the sofa, reading a book in the light of single lamp. He had told Tony once that reducing the stimuli around him helped him to keep control. 

“Hey”, Bruce said, looking up from his book when he heard Tony approach.

“Hey”, Tony replied. “It’s pretty late. You shouldn’t be up.”

“Pot and kettle, Tony.” Bruce’s eyes looked darker in the soft light but also warmer. 

Tony sat down next to him. "I didn't…" 

"I know."

“I can fix this”, Tony insisted. “I can save you.”

“You already did”, Bruce said gently. “Yes, I’m going to die one day, but so are you. So are Pepper and Rhodey and Happy and everyone else.” He pulled Tony in his arms. “You don’t need to fix that.”

Tony’s fingers gripped his shirt tightly as his shoulders started shaking. He hid his face in Bruce’s neck and Bruce held him through his silent sobs. “I don’t want you to die.”

“I don’t want to die, either. I’ll promise you to hold on as long as I can.”

"I’m going to lose you."

"That was true before."

Yes, Tony thought, but I didn't know it. “I’m not giving up”, Tony said stubbornly.

“And I’m not asking you to. Just to slow down a bit. Maybe we’ll have a little less time together than we both thought and I don’t want to spend all of that time in a lab. If we find a solution, we’ll find one.”

**Author's Note:**

> Find me [ here](http://smaragdbird.tumblr.com/) on tumblr


End file.
